तुझसे क्या कह रहा है ,

दिल मेरा सुन ज़रा ,

ना हो सकेगा कभी,

धड़कनो से जुदा। 

तुझसे ख्वाबो में करती,

हूँ मैं बातें सदा,

फिर भी कहती नहीं क्यों,

जाने तुझसे भला,

राधा से मंन में मेरे,

मोहन सा तू बसा,

न हो सकेगा कभी,

धड़कनो से जुदा। 

मेरी सांसो की लय में,

तेरा ही नाम है,

आँखों में बस गया है,

तू वो घनश्याम है,

तन में रमा है मेरे,

तू मेरी आत्मा,

न हो सकेगा कभी,

धड़कनो से जुदा। 

-निमीशा 

diiwangi......

ये दीवानगी है मेरी, या के है याद तेरी,
आईने में भी मुस्कुरा रहा है तू मेरे,
मेरी तन्हाईयों की अनकही सदा हो तुम, 
जग के काटी थी जो उस रात की वजह हो तुम,
ये तेरी शख्सियत है,
या है बेखुदी मेरी,
हर एक कलाम में समा रहा है तू मेरे,
तू  मेरा नाम ले तो दुनिया खूबसूरत है,
तू मेरे साथ हो तो और क्या जरूरत है,
मेरी आँखों में रहते,
सपनो में समय हो तुम,
हर कदम साथ चल रहे हो ज़िन्दगी में मेरी 
जब करू बंद पलके तो भी तू नज़र आये,
दुनिया की भीड़ में दिल तुझको देखना चाहे,
दिल्लगी नाम दू मैं,
या के  मोहोब्बत मेरी,
मुझसे सपने भी अब चुरा रहा है तू मेरे,
ये दीवानगी है मेरी या के है याद तेरी,
आईने में भी मुस्कुरा रहा है तू मेरे. 

-- निमीशा 

मैं एक घाना बरगद का पेड़ ,
सदियों से मैं इसी राह पर रहा खड़ा ,
आते जाते पंथी देखे,
उड़ते गाते पंछी देखे,
सबकी आँखों में सपने थे उची उड़ान के,
उन सपनो का साक्ष्य अकेला बना यहाँ,
मैं एक घना बरगद का पेड़,
सदियों से मैं इसी राह पर रहा खड़ा,
थी अगणित जो मुझपर लिपटी थी लताएं,
फिर भी उस नन्हे से बीज को,
दे आश्रय मैंने किया बड़ा,
मैं एक घना बरगद का पेड़,
सदीओ से मैं इसी राह पर रहा खड़ा. 

HAR EK DOST JARURI HOTA HAI

In the walk of life,

no matter how strong you are,

it always feels good when....

there is a shoulder to cry on

on facing problems,

no matter how brave you are,

it always feels good when....

there is someone to protect you,

during the hard times,

no matter how tough you are,

it always feels good when....

there is someone to say "dont worry chill maar"

in the walk of life,

when you are alone,

it always feels good when....

there is someone to give a hand to hold,

in the moments of failure,

when you are sad,

it always feels good when....

there is someone to say "kya hua batana hai ya drama karna hai?"

when success kneels to you,

whenever you achieve something,

it always feels good when....

you see dancing people screamin "chal bey kajus party de"

in this life,

the best thing to have is

FRIENDS.

- NIMIISHA

मुझपर तीर चलाने वालो ,

सुन लो शमशीर उठाने वालो,

कुछ बूंदो के बह जाने से,

सागर नहीं मरा करता है,

मेरे सपनो की फुलवारी से,

फूल चुरा ले जाने वालो,

कुछ फूलो के मुरझाने से,

उपवन नहीं मारा करता है,

मेरी खुशियो को सूना कर,

अश्रु मुझे दे जाने वालो,

कुछ लेहरो के टकराने से,

साहिल नहीं डिगा करता है,

मुझसे नाता तोड़ आज,

साथ छोड़ कर जाने वालो,

कुछ पत्तो के झड़ जाने से,

तरुवर नहीं मरा करता है.

मैं पास तुम्हारे छाया सम ,

उतने तुम मुझसे दूर विषम,

मुझसे मेरी छाया को लेकर,

दूर खड़े मुस्काने वालो,

जानो छाया के चूत जाने से,

सूरज नहीं मारा करता है. 

-निमीशा 

AARZOO

आरज़ू 

न ही देवी कहो मुझको ऐ दोस्तों,

मैं हूँ इंसान मुझे इंसान ही रहने दो,

पूजना चाहो तो पूज लो इस तरह,

जिंदगी अपनी शर्तो पे जी लेने दो,

माँ हूँ मैं, मैं हूँ बेटी, बेहेन भी मैं हूँ,

हूँ मैं पत्नी कभी मैं बानी प्रेमिका,

आंसू आँखों में मेरे कोई गम नहीं,

होठो पर मोती सी सज रही सिस्किया. 

साथ ना दे सको तो कोई गम नहीं,

पर मुझे मेरी राहो पे चलने तो दो,

पूजना चाहो तो पूज लो इस तरह,

जिंदगी अपनी शर्तो पे जी लेने दो,

कभी सीता बनाकर तजी मैं गयी,

आंसुओ में नहा द्रौपदी मैं हुई,

जब मैं मीरा बानी तो भी विष ही पिया,

और अहिल्या सी पत्थर बनायी गयी,

खुद से बेहतर मुझे न कहो गम नहीं,

पर मैं तुमसे नहीं काम ज़रा मान लो,

पूजना चाहो तो पूज लो इस तरह,

जिंदगी अपनी शर्तो पे जी लेने दो,

शक्ति मैं हूँ तो मुझको डराते हो क्यों?

लक्ष्मी हूँ मैं तो मुझको जलाते हो क्यों?

जो मैं जननी हूँ तो मुझसे तुम ये कहो,

मेरे जीवन की ज्योति बुझते हो क्यों?

हूँ मैं विद्या स्वयं फिर भी पढ़ ना सकु,

मुझको पर्दो में अब भी छुपाते हो क्यों?

मैं हूँ सीता अगर राम तुम भी तो हो,

मैं हूँ राधा तो घनश्याम तुम भी तो हो,

मर्यादाओ में रहो तुम सदा, द्रौपदी सी सुरक्षा किसी की करो,

मैं हूँ शक्ति तो शिव के हो अवतार तुम,

मैं हूँ लक्ष्मी तो विष्णु के समरूप हो,

हूँ मैं मरयम तो ईसा के पदचिन्हो पर,

चलने की एक कोशिश जरा तुम करो,

है ये राहें कठिन, है मुझे ये खबर,

मेरी कांटो भरी है जिंदगी की डगर,

मेरी राहो से कांटे न चुनो गम नहीं,

पर मुझे इनसे दामन बचाने तो दो,

पूजना चाहो तो पूज लो इस तरह,

जिंदगी अपनी शर्तो पे जी लेने दो,

-निमीशा 

PRAPTI

प्राप्ति 

जब जब मेघो ने ववर्षा कर,

धरती का आँचल भिगाया है,

उन अमृत रूपा बूंदो में,

हे ईश तुम्ही को पाया है.

जब जब धरती की गोद से,

एक नन्ही कोपल फूटी है,

उस जीवन रूपा कोपल में,

हे ईश तुम्ही को पाया है.

जब जब किसी भूके गरीब नें,

खाने का निवाला उठाया है,

उस क्षुधा शांत करने वाले में,

हे ईश तुम्ही को पाया है.

जब जब अंधियारे इस मन में,

आशा का डीप जलाया है,

उस मार्गदर्शिनी ज्योति में,

हे ईश तुम्ही को पाया है,

जब भी किसी नन्हे बालक को,

माँ से हठ  करते देखा है,

उसके मन की चंचलता में,

हे ईश तुम्ही को पाया है,

जब थक कर चूर हुआ मजदूर, 

बच्चे की बीमारी में जाएगा है,

उसकी नींद से बोझिल पलकों में,

हे ईश तुम्ही को पाया है,

जब अभाव में बच्चो का 

 भूखी सो जाती है,

उसकी त्याग भरी ममता में,

हे ईश तुम्ही को पाया है,

बेटे की तरक्की पर मैंने,

जब पिता को इतराते\देखा है,

गौरवान्वित उसकी आँखों में,

हे ईश तुम्ही को पाया है,

सब कहते तुम मंदिर में हो, 

मस्जिद में, गुरुद्वारे में,

मने जीवन के हर पल में,

हे ईश तुम्ही को पाया है,

इस धरती के हर कण में,

अम्बर से आती हर एक किरण में,

फूलों से महकी फुलवारी में,

नदिया की कल कल प्यारी में,

 तुम व्यापक सर्वत्र प्रभु,

ये है उपकार तुम्हारा,

साडी त्रुटियों को अनदेखा कर,

तुमने हमको अपनाया है. 

- निमीशा 

PUKAAR

पुकार 

कभी कभी ये क्षुब्ध मन कुछ यूं कहता है,

क्या है कोई जो इस नभ में छुपकर रहता है?

कहते है सब के है ऊपर भगवान कहीं,

तो बात आज करना चहु सुन लो मेरी,

जीवन से खुशियाँ लेकर, ई इंसानो को दुःख देकर,

अपनी रचना को सताओगे,

तो सुख तुम भी क्या पाओगे?

पूजें तुमको हम हर एक पल,

मानें तुमको हम हर एक क्षण,

फिर भी क्यों हो करते तुम,

जीवन से खुशियो का भक्षण,

जो यूं पत्थर बन जाओगे,

तो क्या पूजन करवाओगे?

धरती पर होते पाप हज़ार,

तुम क्यों चुप साधे  रहे निहार?

कष्ट बढ़ रहे मानवता हो रही है काम,

खुशिया काम है जीवन में कुछ ज्यादा है गम,

पर बहुत हुआ अब समय हुआ है बड़ा विकत,

आ जाओ अब धरती पे हो जाओ प्रकट,

कर दो विनाश तुम  हर दानव का,

लौटाओ फिर मानव के मन में मानवता,

जो अब दर्शन दे जाओगे,

सोती श्रद्धा को जगाओगे,

अपनी पहचान कराओगे,

तब ही ईश्वर केहलाओगे. 

-निमीशा 

pyaas

प्यास 

अम्बर प्यासा धरती प्यासी,

प्यासा फिरता जग का हर कण,

तुम्ही बताओ इस धरती पर,

प्यास बुझी है कभी किसी की?

सोने के अम्बार मिल गए,

चांदी की पर्वत मालाएँ ,

अंगणित हीरे मोती पाकर,

तुम्ही बताओ इस वैभव से,

भूख मिटी है कभी किसी की?

इस दौलत को खाया किसने,

पिया है किसने,

होड़ लगी धन संचय की फिर भी,

तुम्ही बताओ इस ठगनी से,

प्यास बुझी है कभी किसी की?

ओस कणो को व्यर्थ चाटता,

राही प्यास भड़क जायेगी,

हर पल प्यास, हर क्षण प्यासा,

तुम्ही बताओ शैतानी से,

प्यास बुझी है कभी किसी की?

मृग तृष्णा में दौड़ा फिरता,

तनिक तृप्ति भी हाथ ना आई,

व्यर्थ गवाया जीवन अपना,

तम्ही बताओ अति लिप्सा से,

प्यास बुझी है कभी किसी की?

बाहर नहीं है कुछ भी प्यारे,

अन्तः में ही प्रवह मान है,

आत्म तत्व का सुन्दर श्रोता,

बिना खोज के तुम्हे बताओ,

खोज मिटी है कभ किसी की?

-निमिषा 

WHEN LOVE KNOCKS.......

JINDAGI MEIN DO TARAH KE RISHTE INSAAN KO SABSE JYADA EFFECT KARTE HAI........

EK .... JO DIL SE JODE JAATE HAI,

AUR DUSRE.... JO DIL SE TODE JAATE HAI.

Ye kahani kuch aise hi rishto ki hai, ........

I write this as I sit with utter silence round me. It’s just me and my thoughts having a debate. I write this as I think of the incidents one after the other leading to many ups and downs in my life all the memories of the past years flash into my mind. when I recall everything , I find a girl who is very introvert, someone who thinks a thousand times before speaking to anyone, someone with not many friends but just a few of them who were very close, that was me.....

I still remember my friend saying “kitna likhegi!! “ when I signed his shirt on our farewell from school. There was so much to say that words could not express and next moment I felt like scolding him for he didn’t sign my shirt at all!!! Man to kiya k puchu “what?? Don’t you have anything to say??” but the kind of person I was meri jyadatar baatein man mein hi reh jati thi.

I can go on and on with this topic but coming to the current status ham na sirf contact mein hai but we know every little thing going on in each others life, we are an essential part of each others life. Today for me DEVESH is not just a person, he is my brother, my counsellor, my best friend, and he is more than what I am to myself. Aur aj I know why there wasn’t a need to write anything on my shirt. And is story mein you’ll come across this name many times. As I said I can go on and on with this but coming back to the reality ...now I am a post graduate and also a teacher by profession and he is a software engineer. Now it has been almost 5 years since I gave my very first class and everything from school has been left far behind..... All my friends, wo maasumiyat, wo saari masti, all those pranks, even my own nature..... just one thing that is still there is my bhai.....Devesh.

but jitni uthal puthal meri life mein pichle kuch mahino  mein hui hai utni puri life mein nai hui......

THE DAY IT ALL STARTED

23^rd July 2011, this was the date when it all started, this was the day when I entered a totally new world of professionalism by joining PYDS. Everything went on very smooth for the first few weeks although I was a little worried about how would I cope up with the environment here but then I got some new friends and things became easy.

I was very happy with the new place, new friends, lively atmosphere, lovely children and a lot of work  :P.

 Everything was so good and the best thing was our group. But only till things suddenly changed .......

When we met for the first time, I didn’t interact much. Tab shayad pata nahi tha that I would be writing down all this one day. Well.... after a normal and formal “hi” and “hello” we went to our respective work areas. That was a really hectic day and I was totally exhausted but had to go to the market also that night I was really tired and the only thing I wanted was my bed and a sound sleep. As per the normal routine I had a talk with Devesh (since last few years it is an unsaid rule that we have to talk to each other every night or at least message telling about the whole day) and then I went to bed when suddenly my phone rang it was an unknown number and already very irritated with weird calls I didn’t pick up the call .then came a message saying “hi how r u?” I didn’t reply and soon after that came another one “arey reply please”.

“Do I know you?” was the reply sent by me. It was really annoying to have such calls after such a tiring day. Ek bar socha Devesh ko call kar ke bataau (isse pehle bhi aise phone calls ke bare mein maine use hi bataya tha) phir socha it’s too late to call anybody chahe wo apka life support system hi kyu na ho even he needs sleep :D. I just switched off my cell and went to sleep.

THE NEXT DAY......

By now I had inculcated the good habit of getting up early because our school started at 7:30 and for that I had to leave by 7:00 in the morning and just as another normal day I went to school. Everything was the same but the smile that caught my attention every now and then all the more I was a little puzzled because of the last night’s incidents. The kind of person I was even small things bother me very easily but the day ended and I came home. That evening again the same number flashed on the screen when my phone rang in the evening ....... this was the limit and I picked up the phone but before I could say anything a familiar voice said ”hii!!! kaise ho?”......this was something I had not expected although the voice was very familiar but I could not recognise it so I asked “who is it?”  “arey guess karo” was the reply to my question but on showing my incapability of guessing he said “arey this is JAY..........”. Uff!! It’s him!!!

 I relaxed and at the same time warned him that he better didn’t repeat this kind of a joke again. He was sorry for that weird prank that he played. After a small conversation I saw “Devesh calling.....”flashing on my cell phone and so I hung up and had a chat with motu. That was a better night than the previous one......

THE UNFORSEEN.......

Now it had been a schedule that jay called up every evening and we had a talk. Very normal I never found it awkward moreover it was nice to chat about the whole day at the end of it . By now we had got into a habit of being into a group, we laughed at each other’s jokes, played pranks but still there was a far way to go for friendship. We stayed together in school, it was nice to have a company, only until the day......

I still remember that evening sitting in my cosy bed wrapped up in my quilt busy writing up some reports to complete the student files ( school ke kaam ke baad extra kaam ghar le jana mujhe bilkul pasand nahi , but have to do it) I was feeling little tired and drowsy because of lots of work when my phone rang, seeing the name that flashed on the screen a smile came to my face. It was JAY....... I picked up the call and came out in the veranda to talk. With a very normal start we went on talking about how the day was things that bothered us or things that we enjoyed but I could sense some hesitation in his voice but I did not ask. Suddenly he said “ma’am ek baat kahu? Aap bura to nai manoge?” I said “haan bolo”........

“bolo ab” I emphasised breaking the silence making him speak out what he wanted to say. “Ma’am I don’t know I should say this or not but I think I like you” taking this very lightly I said “you think you like me!!! I know I like everybody from my group” :P (how dumb could I be) listening to this shayad wo be samajh gaya that muje uski baato mein seriousness nahi dikhi to he just said “chalo ma’am kal baat karte hai” and hung up. But after some time when I was going to sleep he called up again “haan ji bolo” picking up the phone I said. “ma’am apse baat karni hai” he said in a  very soft tone. And as I said even small things tend to bother me very easily , so I asked “kya hua ? itna low kyu sound kar rahe ho?” that was the moment which brought in the surprise “ma’am I think main apko pasand karne laga hoon” “I know I am not right when I say this but kya karu? I like the way you talk to everyone, the smile that you carry, I just think I am in love with you.........”

The words he said kept floating into my mind for the next few minutes and rest everything became silent  I could not hear him speaking anymore and it was my turn to say something and I really wanted to scream as to “how much do you know me?” but all I could say was “kal baat karte hai” and hung up. Since then started the era of sleepless nights........but not awake in love instead awake thinking about the whole thing critically. The next day was school and that night I kept thinking what would I do or say to him......how awkward will it be............and many other such thoughts crept into my mind and there was no space left for sleep.

The next day I went to school and luckily he was on leave for the day so, everything went on smooth this was the first time that I really wished that he didn’t call but wishes don’t always come true..... he called up on the same time as he did regularly but this time I had nothing to talk about and wanted him to hang up quickly.... I prayed to god desperately that the topic should not come up but in vain he again came to it while I said bye but this time I was ready with a clear answer but just did not want to be in an awkward situation. So I told him that I did like him as a friend but have many more things with higher importance than love. Satisfied with my answer I hung up the phone. (kam se kam muje to yahi laga)

I thought he would be normal after this incident  but things grew worse.....every time he wanted to talk to me he just had to express his feelings for me I just ignored him but he didn’t drop the topic, every now and then whenever and wherever he got time he came up with it.

Now I could not stop myself by telling the whole tale to motu (“motu”  I call Devesh with many such funny and weird names) because I was really clueless for how to solve the whole situation and he was the only one I thought could help me out with this. Until then......

“I know I should not be saying this again and again and you don’t feel the same for me but main kya karu I like you very much, this does not mean to pressurize you but I can’t hide my feelings........”

 “muje malum hai that I am wrong when I say this again and again but......”

These were the most haunting words I had ever heard in my life and these words kept troubling me all through my days and nights.............

All I could do was to think about it and that made me all the more crazy and frustrated.......

I can never forget that day when I decided to finish the whole story.......

But for that I needed a suitable situation to start with and lucky enough I got it...... us din we were all chatting around wailing away time and came the topic of “ the someone special” that.... was my moment and without any second thought I said “sabki life mein ek special insaan hota hai” and things framed as I wanted them to be because the immediate question was “ tumhari life mein kaun hai?” “DEVESH” came a clear answer from me.........bas that was it and then I turned the whole topic to something else. After some time I had a class to take so I went away...... in the next free hour I deliberately found an empty class and sat there and as expected he came to the class and started of the conversation by asking how was my day and how was I feeling and then came the blast “ye Devesh kaun hai?” I was ready with an answer this time   “meri life ka sabse important insaan” J I said. He didn’t say another word about him..... his expressions resembled to a person who would has just been robbed and is left penny less.........

Hamesha suna tha ke adha sach bahut khatarnaak hota hai but aaj dekh bhi liya........

Normally god meri life mein jyada interfere nahi karte but this time it seemed as if chutti lekar mere liye hi baithe the...... after that conversation luckily whenever he called I was on phone with motu and very obvious didn’t pick his call. This made him all the more restless.

After this his nagging reduced but still every now and then he would give me a hint that he still liked me. Ek ya do baar he also said “ye devesh hai kaun ?”.

And one day I showed him all thanks to face book which keeps us connected. Seeing the pics he made an unsuccessful attempt to divert my mind saying “arey ye to apse bada lagta hai” “apke type ka nai hai”

“ha!ha!ha!” I laughed in my heart “how could somebody be so filmy?” I asked myself.

My continuously informing him about devesh and his questioning went on for almost two months and also he expressed his feelings for me every now and then whenever he could. Then I had to go for a trip to TEHRI – garhwal for 3 days

“look!!!!! we are friends and I really don’t want ke situations itni kharab ho jay ke ham ek dusre ko bardaasht karna mushkil ho isliye phir se bata rahi hoon I really don’t love you and as it is I have prior commitments. “ this was what I told him when I went for the trip............ . this time he stood there quite without any argument.

Tehri was a lot of fun and frolic this was my first trip without my parents all by myself and moreover I was the one  who was taking care of others.

 Three days just flew by and we were back to school. Phir wahi roj kaa kaam.

WEEKS OF SILENCE.....

To my amazement everything was so very normal, jay did not come up with anything weird or anything that would stress me instead he was very friendly, the same as he used to be during my initial time in this place, the same old joking around, laughing and giggling on each other’s jokes, enjoying and fighting at times for food sab kuch achha tha , sab pehle jaisa tha.but still there was something that was in my mind kuch to tha jo muje pareshan kar raha tha. He was behaving as if nothing happened where else I could not forget the phone call that night. This did affect my behaviour with him and it came into notice of my friends aur shayad usne bhi ye note kiya and one day he came to me when I was in the library (library is the place jahan main class ke baad jyadatar baithti hoon, it being quiet and lonely corner of the school, it is very easy to focus on work here) “kya kar rahe ho?” he asked. I didn’t reply pretending I was busy in work and didn’t listen to him .The question got repeated but this time from a closer point. He sat on the empty chair lying next to me “ kya hua? koi problem hai?” there was a sense of concern in his voice. I nodded my head giving a negative response. “to aise chup chap kyu baithe ho?” came another question. “kuch nai hua main bas kam kar rahi hoon” I replied showing my frustration on him sitting with me. Acha aj kal bahut kaam ho raha hai...... chalo ek baat bataao....... you said you have some commitments.......  “haan to” I interrupted. “to what commitments ?” came an obvious question. “hai kuch personal” I again gave a to the point answer. “ achcha is it related to the same person we had a talk about?” I felt as if I was playing “SACH KA SAMNA” and he was RAJEEV KHANDELWAL asking me all sorts of difficult questions. “yes” I replied cutting it short.( thank god waha koi lieometer nahi tha) mere us adhe sach ne itna gehra asar choda tha ye mujhe us din maalum pada.

Aur mere us jawab ke baad to uski inquisitiveness aur badh gayi but he didn’t show it bas kaha “good  all the best”. “thanks” I replied with a wicked smile. And to make him more restless I said “sun don’t tell it to any one please”

  He lost all the liveliness of his face and his expressions gave me a sweet feeling of victory. I wore a wicked smile on my face.

“thanks motu” I thanked Devesh in my heart because all this was his idea!!!! (since this had all started I had been getting his ideas and implementing them blindly this is why I call him my best support)

That night when we had a talk I was chirping as a bird and jab take k ek detail bata nahi di muje chain nahi pada J

Wow!!! That night I slept as a baby. Wearing a smile on my face.

The next day again went in silence neither he asked anything nor did I. He just made an attempt to get into the details of my relationship status but all in vain.

This phase continued for a week or so but that day it was one of our teachers farewell and meri badnassibi I had to go for shopping for gifts and party stuff and mere sath jane ko JAI!!!!! I had never prayed to god that much even on the night I was praying for him not to call. But bhagwan meri kahan sunte hai L I had to go that  was his moment and I had no choice than to answer his questions. He wanted to gather all information about my relationship status aur main us se bi do kadam age ..... atishiyokti alankar ka istemal maine apni life mein kabi itna nai kiya jitna us do ghante mein kiya( atishiyokti alankar = exaggeration)

That day I realized my power of exaggerating things J.  well..... the only thing I loved was the bike ride...... it was really awesome to get a ride in that cool breeze.

Days passed by and I assured him that I had someone in my life and there was no room for someone else (at least I felt so).

   

THE UNPREDICTABLE........

Time went by and so went his efforts. Few weeks passed by and we came to known each other. I could now say we were friends, we enjoyed each other's company and we were concerned about each other. We missed each other if didn't meet. It was good to have company of such kind. Jay and I got to know each other from different aspects. I came to know about his nature. Kuch cheezein thi thi jo muje bhi pasand ayi jaise sach k liye ladna. He would go out off his way to help his friends or people he knew. This was the quality we had in common. Gradually we got to know each other better. jab bhi I had any issue regarding the school we had a talk. Our phonic conversation had never stopped but now it was a pleasure to talk............

It was December end and by now we had come to know each other quiet  a lot. U came to know that I had to go another trip but this time it was a long one.15 days away from home was something big for me but I was happy because I had heard a lot about such trips from the other members. The day we all were starting our journey almost everyone wished  luck and mujhe to jyadatar ne ek hi baat kahi "kuch tod k mat ana". Jay said "kehne ki zaroorat nahi hai but sambhal k jana aur apna khyala rakhna". It was good to hear a word of concern from him.

We departed as out train was scheduled from haridwar. We reached there before time and moreover the train was late :( sitting on the platform along with my colleagues a chill ran through my nerves. I suddenly realized that I was going to be out for so many days. . as the time passed feeling became stronger and to add to it one of my friends told that her brother was coming all the way from Bangalore to see her............ That was it!!! I wanted to see motu!!! this was weird. totally crazy feeling......... I had never reacted to any situation in such a stupid manner as I did last night...........( bina kuch soche samjhe maine bhai ko call kar diya and told him ki I want him to come to see me............) of course he could not come to meet me that too on such a short notice ............ but aaj sochti hoon to hasi ati hai on my behaviour for that time span I almost tortured Devesh with my phone calls and psychic behaviour. I knew he was bound with his work or else he would have come but knowing all this I still pressurised him to meet me. Every time he would call main sirf ek chiz kehti “ aja na” aur har baar expect karti that he would say “chal main ata hoon”. I am till date not able to justify my behaviour. It was totally unlike me..... I cried..... I shouted..... and did all sorts of foolish things.

And it was the limit when I screamed on him on top of my voice ( I still feel guilty and regret doing that) ab sochti hoon to yaad bhi nai ata ke maine kya kya kaha tha use and he didn’t react at all....... He was just there listening to me patiently quietly without getting angry at all. Aj jab sab yaad karti hoon to lagta hai if wo mere paas ni hota to mera kya hota.....but thanks to Mr. Graham Bell who gave us such a wonderful idea of conversing through telephone and to Mr. martin Cooper to taking it to cell phones that I could survive those 15 days.

This trip was disaster.............. Thank God it ended and I was back to school but still not to my normal life...........I witnessed so many changes in the people during the trip that it was hard to believe and even harder to believe that as soon as we entered school everybody became the same as they were before the trip..........

School was normal wahi lots of work, running up and down for things, managing people and events. All this time I had thought that Jay did not feel for me genuinely because jab maine usse ek false story sunai he just agreed to it and stepped back but then I was proved wrong one day.........

That day as I sat all alone by myself. I was emotionally upset and moreover frustrated or people of this place. Again man kiya ki motu ko call karu aur Hamesha ki tarah apni saari problems and tensions uske upar daal k relax ho jau ;P but main alredy usko bahut pareshan kar chuki thi during the trip to phir dimag ne kaha c'mon how can u be so selfish har baar aisa nahi ho sakta na............... isi kashmakash mein mai phone uthati number dekhti phir rakh deti (stupid me) and this went on for 10 minutes at least ( I haven't told motu about this till now and the day I tell him............ bhagwaan mujhe bachaaye...:P:P) and then I heard a voice "arey phone phuk jaayega aise ghuroge to" I turned to the voice and dekha ki Jay was there and standing behind me. His hand on my shoulder he sat next to me. Us din without saying even a word he said a lot. Just by his presence I felt good shayad because I wanted someone that time that is why his sheer presence was enough that day.......... I was so distressed that I did not want to speak or should say could not speak at all. Thodi der baad he asked "kuch kehna hai?" to which I shook my head giving a negative response.......... ajeeb tha ye when nobody realized the sadness inside me........... he could notice it???

Khair the day ended in stress as it had started. While going back home he came to me and just said "tension mat liya karo Aap haste hue hi ache lagta ho..........."

hahahaha kitna filmy hai ye banda............. I said to myself......:)

That night he called up at his regular time but I didn’t talk as I was very stressed our I had slept early so I didn't even talk to motu ( us se shayad baat kar bhi leti but we share such a bond ke if I would have talked use samajh aa jata ki there is some problem and it is next to impossible to keep secrets from him).

Next day was school again I went half heartedly. I was in library during my free session and when jay cam I was lost in my thoughts so didn't notice him coming. I noticed when a hand came to me offering a gulabjamun :) (meri favourite mithai) I looked back and he said " mood kharab hai na ! Ye khao thik ho jayega" (friends le saath bahut baar bahut kuch khaya hai but this gesture made me feel special).

That day we spent together( I mean only we too sitting for lunch, during free sessions) the group was not involved. To my amazement I found it good to spend time with him All this time he tried to cheer me up with his faltu jokes and filmy style :).

Us din I realised I do like his company........... shayad now he knows me in a better way because now at times I don't have to say anything and he understands it............... He is there when I need the support and stays away when I want him to do so ...............

Next day was normal and so was my mood I had time so I went to the play field and played badminton......... it was very refreshing. During lunch time Jay did not show up and went to call him ( it is the rule of the group that we don’t eat until everyone is present) he was there in the field as if he knew I would come to call him. "khana nai khana" I asked to which he did not answer.............. Strange!!! "ek din pehle mujhe samjha rha tha use kya hua" I thought to myself khair I went down to him and asked for lunch he looked sad "kya hua" I asked. "pata nahi....." h didn't speak for a while, Sitting there I repeated my question but this time compelling him to answer " I am sorry for what I am going to say but you know what I feel for you............... I tried hard to be a friend but............"

"Dekho I understand ............ but ismein khaane ki to koi galti nahi hai na usey kyu thanda kar rhe ho ?" I answered turning the whole thing into a joke, He laughed saying "kya hoga apka? Hamesha masti k mood mein rhte ho". I smiled and got him for lunch.

The day ended and I came home. I was already very confused with my emotions and after him saying all that I got all more confused.

The person I like should be caring, understanding, jovial, friendly and on top of everything honest. This was the description of my perfect someone and that day I found Jay fitting in all the aspects!!! He had the capability of making me laugh when I was sad. He stood by my side when I stood against anything wrong.

I loved his company and wanted to be with him........... I missed him when he was not around............... every morning I looked forward to be with him....... looked for excuses to talk to him...... now my place of waiting changed from library to play field..............

Was I falling for him????? Ye kya weird feeling hai ????? Am I getting the answer for his questions???????

I was still in a phase of confusion............. fighting with my feelings and emotions( dill aur dimag k is dwand k beech mein ek kashmakash mein ghiri thi) At times I found him to be what I wanted someone special to be but then I also found a little difference of opinion between him and myself.... Ek baar socha sab bakwaas hai, it is just because of the situation but then............. uske liye to I was committed!!! And if he was not serious why would he hang on for so long???? I was so very confused..................

This was such a weird state of mind moreover I did not talk to anybody about all this not even Devesh (shayad uske paas answer hota)

It has been him governing my thoughts since it had all started but this time it was difficult,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Thinking about him gave a smile to my lips instead of a frown on my forehead........

I had always loved listening to slow romantic songs but now when I heard them his name came to my mind and his image in my thoughts.................

Songs like "pehla pehla pyar hai" sounded as if it was just written for me..............GOD!! mai bhi filmy ho rhi thi............ coming to school was more exciting now........ I thought of him and talked him the whole day............. if he did not talk to me I felt hurt...............

Kabhi socha nahi tha that koi meri life ko itna effect kar sakta hai!!

I was never this way!!! Nobody in this world could have such an effect on me............. my way of dressing changed..............I thought about the clothes to be worn next day.......

I wanted to look good and even expected compliments.........

Ye akhir tha kya???

He did not express his feelings again nor did he ask mine............. but what about me??

goonj

गूँज 

रोती  बिलखती परछाइयाँ है,

है चीख चहुँ ओर मची। 

देश प्रान्त के नाम पर,

धरती बटने से नहीं बची। 

धनवान अधिक धनवान हुए,

निर्धन घर रोटी नहीं बची। 

और देश चलाने वालो में भी,

सत्य भावना नहीं बची। 

सच्चाई से नाता तोड़,

इंसान झूट पर जीत है। 

निर्धन का खून चूस चूस ,

धनवान मजे से पीता  है। 

नेहरू गांधी से लोग देश में,

कम ही पाये जाते है,

अब तो सारे भ्रष्ट लोग ही,

चुन गद्दी पर आते है। 

यहाँ जहां पर हर घर में ,

माता कि पूजा होती है,

वही आज भी गली गली,

शिशु कन्या कि हत्या होती है। 

जहा वधू को मिलता है,

गृह लक्ष्मी का स्थान,

फिर क्यों दहेज़ के लिए आज भी,

छीने जाते है उनके प्राण?

महंगाई और बेरोजगारी से जब,

आत्महत्याए होती है,

वही अपनी ही चुनी हुई,

सरकार मजे से सोती है। 

पर बस अब इन कष्टो को हम,

और नहीं सेह पाएंगे,

प्रण  है के अत्याचार के विरुद्ध,

मिलकर आवाज़ उठाएंगे,

बापू के सपनो का भारत,

हम सच कर एक दिखलायेंगे,

"सत्यमेव जयते का नारा आज फिर से लगाएंगे,

और सच्चाई कि गूँज यह हर दिल तक पहुचाएंगे। 

-निमीशा 

iltjaa

इल्तज़ा 

आँखों में आंसू बन रहना चुन लिया है तुमने जब,

है इल्तजा कि अब मेरे ख्वाबो में आना छोड़ दो,

जब जिंदगी से दूर जाने का किया है फैसला,

आँखों में रेह्कर मेरी पलकों को भिगाना छोड़ दो,

जब साथ चलना भी नहीं तुमको गवारा तो सुनो,

परछाई सा मिलने बिछड़ने का छलावा छोड़ दो,

कर चले हो जब अकेला तिमिर में इस रूह को,

उम्मीद के जुगनू सा अब तुम टिमटिमाना छोड़ दो,

हमसे सारे हक़ और औहदे  छीन  जब तुम ले गए,

दरख्वास्त है के हमपे भी अब हक़ जताना छोड़ दो,

गर तुम्हे है फ़िक्र मेरे दर्द कि तो बस इतना करो,

दर्पण में मेरे बैठ कर तुम मुस्कुराना छोड़ दो…। 

- निमीशा 

KASHMAKASH

kashmakash

सांझ ढले एक दिन मैंने,

 दूर कही सागर में एक नन्ही सी कश्ती को देखा ,

जूझ रही थी लहरों से,

 शायद भटक गयी राह कही,

 लहरों में रहने वाली कश्ती , 

लहरों से ही थी डरी हुई,

 जिस सागर के अंचल में ,

खुद को महफूज़ वो पाती थी,

 वही आज डगमग होती, 

उसके जीवन की बाती थी,

 साँझ ढले एक दिन मैंने,

 दूर कही सागर में एक नन्ही सी कश्ती को देखा,

 कुछ दिन पहले ये दृश्य नहीं था,

 कुछ दिन पहले ये कश्ती,

भी खेल रही थी सागर में ,

 और सागर ने भी ख़ुशी ख़ुशी,

लिया उसे था आँचल में,

 फिर आज वही सागर की क्यू,

 बना काल का द्वार,

 क्यों मझधार में डूब रही,

 कश्ती के जीवन की पतवार,

 जीवन का है सत्य यही, 

हम सब कश्ती के है स्वरुप,

 पल में खुशियों की छाया है,

 अगले ही पल गम की धूप,

 अनभिज्ञ नहीं है मानव मन,

 जीवन मृत्यु के अटल सत्य से,

 फिर भी न जाने क्यों ,

रखता है जीने की प्यास,

 मृत्यु एक अटल सत्य है ,

 फिर क्यों है जीवन से आस। 

nimiisha